I am inspired by Emmie’s #TransparentTuesday post’s… not quite Tuesday but same spirit. I am removing the rosy filters and sharing a bit of what’s going on in my life.
The past seven months have been quite a rollercoaster when it comes to my professional life. They have taught me some powerful lessons on courage, trusting your gut and surrender.
Lesson 1: Why? I walked away from the career job…
I still can’t believe I had the cojones to walk away from the steady paycheck to take the leap into the world of uncertainty.
Walking away from Pace, student affairs was the right decision for me and my personal wellbeing. At the time, I didn’t realize how much I needed the stability of a steady schedule, boundaries, the ability to choose how I want to spend my emotional reserves. Walking away meant walking my talk. Giving myself the opportunity to have a different type of life.
Over the holiday break, I had some heart to heart conversations with my mom about this decision and honestly how I landed in this field in the first place.
The first aha moment came as I shared how I chose this career path. As a 20 year old I was scared of growing up and failing because I didn’t know what to do with my life. I found this career path as the path to least resistance. It provided me the stability so I can go ahead living with bulimia. Once I found the path to recovery, the job allowed me to continue recreating my eating disorder cycles of pain, perfectionism, external validation/feel like shit. As I grew a backbone, learned about boundaries/saying no, tapping into what I need/want this job showcase dissonance.
Walking away from what was no longer working has been the biggest reminder that I have choices. I no longer have to stay small, living in fear and hiding. I can do things differently. Yes I still have no regrets as to why I did it.
Lesson 2: Just because you are good doesn’t mean that’s the direction you want to go.
When it comes to building my business the past seven months reflected a learning curve in my journey.
As I said buh-bye to Pace, my game plan was to follow through a specific business idea. I landed the “perfect/sweet spot” idea that met the various rounds of proof of concept. I had the “perfect” solution to the solo entrepreneur painful needs as they grew their businesses.
What I didn’t take into account was that my heart was not in it. I wanted to crawl and hide. I resisted the process. I was stuck living the multi passionate dilemma of too many things I am good at yet longing to be great at one thing but unsure which one it will be. I tried to go through the motions only to discover nothing was sticking.
I choose to walk my talk again, check in how this was feeling? Not so hot, full of fear and out of alignment. Again, just because I am good at one thing doesn’t mean this is what I need to invest all of my energy.
Lesson 3: 12-Steps for my business?
I decided to outsource my guidance by surrendering it to a power greater than myself, i.e. the HP that restored me to sanity from bulimia, relationships, people, places and things. YUP, I decided that I gotta do a 12-step around my business. SHIT! It worked.
It was NOT an overnight process. As I had to surrender the HOW and learn to trust my gut. I shifted the focus on listening to others on how I should run things into how does it feel in body/life? I started to move my feet towards what inspires me and feels in alignment.
I stated to feel good and excited about my business again.
Loyal readers inspired me to re-commit my personal and professional life from surviving into thriving. You help me create programs and services that ignite my passion while being of service to you.
Over the course of a few months, I created a passion project adventure that allows me to really combine my passions for a thriving living while doing the daily work that creates the long-term impact in your life.
Perhaps, 12-stepping my biz may be crazy idea but it feels good.
Lesson 4: Courage to walk away when it’s not feeling good.
For about 3 months, I worked as a Virtual Assistant for various entrepreneurs. The job itself was ok. I managed social media, email campaigns, and took care of various administrative needs. This was supposed to be a good work from home bridge job. Yet my heart was not in it.
Once I started to 12-step my business/life, I quickly discovered that my go-to sabotage patterns were hiding, shifting the focus away from me into “care taking” mode. This was a great copped out to continue underearning and explaining why my business was “failing.” Unfortunately, a key step of 12-stepping my biz/life was I gotta get honest on what my resentments were and what was my part. I knew it was time to close shop. Within a few weeks, I started to let go of each client one by one.
It wasn’t always easy. I felt the wave of economic insecurity and guilt of letting people down. Yet, I knew if I wanted to create the space for my life I needed to walk through the fear. It wasn’t always perfect but it all worked out.
I was clear of what type of bridge job I needed for the next few months. I communicated my needs and took actions that were in alignment. I sought for temp admin work that was short-term, 9-5pm in a nearby location as I didn’t want to deal with commuting the MTA. Lo and behold things started to fall into place. Yes the universe deliver it over and over. It may not have been on “my timeline” but it all worked out.
Lesson 5: Getting Intimate with $$
Perhaps this will be an on-going blog post series, I can tell you the big lesson is that in order to make it work you gotta get intimate with your financials. I have done this one far from perfect. Gosh it triggered all of my go to restrictive behaviors yet it provided me a new level of humbleness.
I couldn’t afford to live in denial therefore this meant taking a close inspection of what my needs were. Making sure I kept my adult hat and taking financial responsibility for what I could and could not afford.
Yes this has meant surrendering to the idea that I need to keep up with what other entrepreneurs are doing/who they are working with/what they are investing. Again, i stop focusing on the joneses and just focus on me and how I can meet my basic needs.
Again this is is the on-going lesson that may merit it’s own blog post.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! For reading the whole way through this post 🙂