Ok I have written in the past about my relationship with my weight, the numbers, my body.
Over the past couple of months I fell through the restriction cycle which I have to say its getting progressively worse with time. I am noticing the same pattern that I had when I was active in the bulimia- weight gain, obsession/case of the fuck its, the rituals and routines that were very crazy. This time is insidious because “I don’t diet anymore” yet my actions are showing that is not the case.
What does my restriction looks like? I seem to be skimping through the nutrients and going for the empty junk and fake foods. I restrict my eating schedule to specific foods that are in the “safe meets comfort” category. These foods provide just “enough freedom” I feel I am rebelling but the reality I am just sabotaging myself. What does it looks like: sweets, coffee (only in the mornings no sugar but yes to syrup? WTF?), fake foods for lunch and takeout or yogurt for dinner.
Here is the thing some of these foods are ok however I noticed that I am skimping through the following:
- Real protein
- Real food
Again, it really comes down to the vegetables and the nutrients that it provides such as energy. It will probably help my digestion as it has been a mess lately.
I guess by coming clean about what its going on I am hoping to see it in my face that restriction doesn’t work. Creating my own diet is no longer a useful use of my time and energy as I am hurting myself as opposed to healing myself. At the end of the day restriction inevitably leads to a binge and weight gain.
I want to hear from you regarding your experiences with food. Do you feel as if your head has been wired to dieting even when you are not dieting anymore? How do you cope with living with the diet mentality?