I have been toying with the idea that I considered myself incredibly lazy. I don’t do enough and therefore I haven’t accomplish all of the right things and more.
I have this ideal in my head that by the time I turned 30 I would have done the following: make a 6 figure salary and work part-time, run a couple marathons, have a few babies with a wonderful healthy, stable husband, being the youngest winner of the Nobel Peach Prize because I have solved all of the war problems in this world (a skill which I learned by playing Legos and The Sims, not by my bachelor’s degree). Oh and most importantly I achieve of all of these things effortlessly with a banging body. Yeah, I have an expectation problem too.
After years sprinting in the marathon called life and burning out quickly ever so often I finally hit the wall. My life at that point was nowhere near as close as I ever dreamed it would be. For instance I was living and working in NYC but I didn’t have any friends that I could count on, I hated my living space, and the money I was making was being spent on food for my eating disorder. Not a fun life.
Yet when I stopped and seek inward. I found myself pondering the following questions:
- Where I am in my own path? Do I have connections in my life that brings me nourishment?
- How much the practice of compare and despair is really working for me? Is is a tool that allows me to beat myself up a further? Is it bringing me any happiness or is just a great past time to avoid living my own life as it is? This includes my use of facebook.
- Am I tuned into my desires? To what my dreams are? To the actions that I choose to take to live the life that is clearly loving and abundant?
With that said letting go of the achievement and the unrealistic expectations may hold the key to a daily practice of self-love for today. I get to accept that I am where I need to be at the perfect timing. I am working with the divine in creating miracles around me.
My life today gets to be full of feather boas, glitter and pink sparkles. My daily practices includes a gratitude list, prayer, meditation and a touch of soothing lavender. My sanity practices include daily cardio movement, strength training and being of service to others.
I may have not accomplished Nobel Peace Prizes (yet) but I have found that peace within me that allows me to just live. Well the achievements come in unexpected ways.