Confession: For the past year, I have been paralyzed when it comes to my “What do I do” in my creative world.
I am afraid of making mistakes. I am afraid that you will see unacceptable errors from my end because attention to detail is not one of my strengths.
I am afraid that if meet me you will see as a good at many things yet a master of none. I seem to have attention deficit disorder when it comes to my career path. I get bored easily. I change my mind frequently. I am indecisive for the small details yet on the big pictures things such a quitting my job I follow my “gut”. You see me as a flake.
In the end, I am afraid to be seen by you. I am afraid that you will be disappointed because I am not a perfect human being.
Yet, there is a solution.
In the big book there is a reminder that “we strive for spiritual progress than spiritual perfection.” Because let’s be honest perfection doesn’t exist.
First things first, I have to acknowledge how my perfection paralysis have served me over the past couple of years? In my case, it has been self-protection and my fear of getting hurt. Yet the pay off as I quickly learned is that it was pretty painful being stuck in my own head. Trust me, living in a state of rumination (thinking my way into a solution/bravery/etc) is not a pleasant place to be.
Am I willing to take action that will feel uncomfortable? Guess what the pain is bad enough that at least for today I am willing to take a different step, an action outside of my comfort zone. I am willing to look like a fool as long as it’s me.
Is it a one time deal? Bleh, nope. It’s a daily commitment. Full of baby steps, consistent action will lead me through to a new level of growth. The fear may never go away yet as long as I continue to shift the focus on moving my smart feet in the direction of my dreams life will become manageable. As I am reminded, what it used to be hard now it’s easy to do.
So what’s next? We’ll see.
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