I am one week away from making my debut as a Kitten Cavalier. I am feeling excited, anxious, and happy about this experience. This is the first time I am stepping into the spotlight with a sense of confidence and grace that I never thought it would be possible. What has driven me to this experience is clearly knowing what my intention is and who am I dedicating this practice to.
When I think about how far I have come from hiding in the background, my obsessions about my weight and living paralyzed in fear, imagining myself stepping on stage and getting undressed would be my biggest nightmare. Well who knew, that stepping into my own beauty meant re-framing my nightmare into an actual dream.
I remember my first experience with burlesque and how my whole world was turned upside down. I faced my old storyline “I am too fat and I don’t have the perfect body” into “wow I can do this and I am actually beautiful.” I left in awe at how confident I felt about my body.
When I signed up to this experience my intention was to continue building my own confidence around my body. I also wanted to cross out one more thing in my bucket list.
Yet as the weeks progressed, I saw how this experience will be beyond of crossing another thing in my bucket list. I have gained enough confidence to walk through other fears relating to my own power and beauty.
I truly dedicate this practice to those who struggled being seen. To those who are waiting for the right moment to start living life. As coach Erin would say “waiting is a waste of time.”
This show is for the young girl who was told over and over that despite having a pretty face she needed to lose weight otherwise boys won’t like her. Oh the lies.
Most importantly I am dedicating this practice to Mama and Mami who have been the best role models in my life. Whose unconditional love and support h ave made me the woman I have become today.
Courtesan Diaries is my own personal journey as I explore my own beauty and walked through the fear of going on stage in front of friends this September 2011. Be on the lookout for future post on owning my beauty, my unlikely heroines and the spiritual aha’s of this process.