I bet your answer is HECK YEAH! But…
I know! I am with you my friend. My excuses range from I work as a caretaker and I do it for the students not my paycheck. I live in NYC which is a very expensive city to live. Or my current excuse is “I am starting my business and things are really sloooooow” Yes they are all valid stories, excuses, and reasons why perhaps I don’t have enough money. Yet the reality is that one of my old coping mechanisms that I am currently shedding away is my underearning patterns.
As you know, I struggled with bulimia for most of my life. I have been on recovery for 6+ years in the area of my relationship with food. Little did I know that as I was putting the food down, I picked up money. The patterns were similar. I would go on restriction mode when it came to things that I wanted/needed/coveted/desired. I would punish myself by working long hours, volunteering, and just pushing myself beyond the sanity button. Then I would purge my paycheck as quickly as possible. On what kinda of things? Crappy, cheap stuff. I spend 4 years in denial. My financially life was chaotic. It did keep me up at night. However it wasn’t until I was ready to start investing on myself that I came face to face with my nemesis- MONEY. About two years ago, I decided to make a big financial investment on myself. I took the plunge waiting for net to appears. Lo and behold, my biggest fear came true. My bank hit overdraft, my savings were gone and somehow I had to come up with an extra 1k. WTF GOD what lesson do you want me to learn?
True Recovery = Money
Little did I know that I needed to do the very same steps of surrender, acceptance and action with my money. I had to face the reality that I needed to come to terms with my relationship with money and how I spoke to myself around it. Quickly, I got into action from reading everything I could about this topic of money. I even gather my girlfriends for monthly money meetups where we chatted honestly what was going on and how we could support one another. Things started to shift…slowly but surely.
Hard Lesson: Drop the Story!
I bought into the belief that as a caretaker I am meant to be broke. CRAZY? First of all, I have done a lot of work around my food and relationship with myself to understand that I was never broken. I was always whole loving self. My job was to remove the internal clutter that kept me away from love not to fix/mend myself. Second of all, if I held on to this “broke” story how the heck I can then create the money that I need. For that matter, if I am “broke” how do you explain how I happen to be a 30 year old smart, savvy, hardworking woman making it in the NYC. Again there is another layer of dissonance between the story I bought and my reality. Well I had to drop the story! Easier said than done? True. It’s simple decision. Yes you will be tested over time. What I know for sure is that with time and action it does pass and it gets easier. I have learned to focus on shifting the attention back on what is working. To focus on how for today I am I am whole, lovable. I am savvy, smart, hardworker who knows how to create money to meet my own needs. Guess what? As I healed my relationship with money I discovered my innate ability to make sure all my needs are met. I felt confident enough to walk away from a work environment that was no longer in alignment in order to live my purpose. For today, I dare you to look at your relationship with money with awe and wonder as it will guide you to a whole new level of awareness, growth and magic. P.S. I know this journey can feel quite daunting… I decided to spruce things up in Thrive! Adventure for February with a focus on Money. Over the course of 4-weeks we will take an adventure to uncover the stories that keeps you away from creating more and finally break-free from those patterns once and for all!